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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/14/1997
1.
Call Waiting
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Roseanne goes on a spiritual odyssey in front of the TV. After walking out on Dan in the heat of anger, Roseanne is now holed up at Jackie's, mesmerized by the sitcom couples she grew up with on That Girl, The Mary Tyler Moore Show and I Dream of Jeannie. Meanwhile, back at the Conner house, Dan is listlessly puttering around fixing things -- but he'd rather ""fix things"" in his marriage. And, much like the TV couples occupying Roseanne's thoughts, Dan and Roseanne just might discover that they're better off together than apart. In the coda, Jackie realizes that they have won $108 million in the state lottery.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Drew Ogier
/ Allan Stephan
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Guest starring:
Morgan Roberts, Garrett Hazen, Kent Hazen, Edward Asner
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/16/1997
2.
Millions from Heaven
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The Connors win the biggest lottery payoff in state history but insist they're still ""just folks.""
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Nancy Steen
/ Cynthia Mort
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Guest starring:
Jon Polito, Robin Leach, Kathleen Sullivan, Toby Hill
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/17/1997
3.
What a Day for a Daydream
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Newly wealthy Roseanne indulges in daydreams involving Hugh Hefner and an appearance on the Jerry Springer Show in which she imagines her dreams – and even some of her nightmares – coming true thanks to the lottery winnings.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Richard Kaplan
/ Garland Testa
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Guest starring:
Bob Rubin, C.D. Labove, Johnny Dark, Stella Butler, Ingo Neuhaus, Jerry Springer, Hugh Hefner
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/18/1997
4.
Honor Thy Mother
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While Roseanne and Jackie anticipate indulging themselves to unlock their ""divine female essence"" at a luxury spa, Dan is just plain morose -- and finally admits why: nagging worries about a family member, his institutionalized mother.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Bob Nickman
/ Amy Welsh
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Guest starring:
Allan Stephan
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/21/1997
5.
Someday My Prince Will Come
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A Moldavian prince descends on Lanford with one purpose in mind: to romance Jackie. It seems he's developed a royal crush on her after seeing her briefly on TV.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Janet Leahy
/ Carrie Snow
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Guest starring:
Jim Varney, Erick Avari
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/22/1997
6.
Pampered to a Pulp
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Roseanne and Jackie fight the battle of the bulge during their sojourn at a luxury spa, where past-life regression therapy brings out the imagined warrior in Roseanne.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Stacie Lipp
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Guest starring:
Moon Unit Zappa, Christy Martin, Colleen Camp, Sharon Omi, Jonathan Emerson, Todd Oldham, Ahmet Zappa, Kathleen Freeman, Tammy Faye Messner
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/23/1997
7.
Satan, Darling
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Absolutely Fabulous glam gals Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley (in character as Edina and Patsy) are among the few down-to-earth participants in Roseanne's outrageous Halloween outing. They're guests at an Upper West Side soirée, where new multimillionaires Roseanne and Jackie have gained entrée into New York society. But for grandmother-to-be Roseanne, a witches' coven soon comes into play — a la Rosemary's Baby — and bizarre happenings begin to involve a very pregnant Darlene.
Director:
Roseanne
Writer:
Jennifer Saunders
/ Roseanne
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Guest starring:
Jennifer Saunders, Joanna Lumley, Kathleen Freeman,
JM J. Bullock, Mo Gaffney, Arianna Huffington, Marlo Thomas, Ernest Harada, Phil Leeds, Jonathan Von Meyeer
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/24/1997
8.
Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti
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A visit with the wealthy Wentworths on Martha's Vineyard gives the Conners a glimpse into new friend Astrid's dysfunctional family. And before long, the Conners are teaching the snobby elitists some truths about real life.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Leif Sandaas
/ Debbie Kasper
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Guest starring:
Dina Merrill, Mo Gaffney, Dana Gould, Phil Leeds, Ron House, Stella Butler, Hillary Tuck, Iqbal Theba
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/25/1997
9.
Roseambo
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Roseanne battles a group of women-hating terrorists who hold her family and a foreign diplomat hostage on a train to Washington, D.C.
Director:
Gary Halvorson
Writer:
R. Gaylor
/ Betsy Salkind
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Guest starring:
Ahmed Ahmed, Gary Kasper, Lawrence-Hilton Jacobs, Nate Kanae, Steven Saucedo, Mother Love, Biff Wiff, Iqbal Theba, Steven Seagal, Teresa Barnwell
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/28/1997
10.
Home is Where the Afghan Is
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The absence of Dan, a series of family squabbles, and a shocking revelation by Bev mar the Conners' first Thanksgiving as a rich and famous family, and they start to realize that money does not necessarily buy happiness.
Director:
Gary Halvorson
Writer:
Lawrence Broch
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Guest starring:
Jim Varney, Bob Fuller
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/29/1997
11.
Mothers and Other Strangers
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Bev pays a visit to her free-spirited mom in search of answers, while Roseanne awaits Dan's return with trepidation, fearing he might not recognize the place -- or her new look.
Writer:
Cynthia Mort
/ Roseanne
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/30/1996
12.
Home for the Holidays
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After a long stay in California with his mother, Dan returns home for Christmas and he, Roseanne and the rest of the family begin to realize how fortunate they are to have each other and how much they have to be thankful for as the old year ends.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
/ Roseanne
Writer:
Lawrence Broch
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Guest starring:
Allan Stephan
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
1/31/1997
13.
Say It Ain't So
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Jackie forces Dan to reveal some devastating news to Roseanne: he's been having an affair in California with a nurse who cared for his mother. Meanwhile, D.J. wants the job of videotaping Darlene giving birth; and Jackie must face a harsh truth about her own love life.
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
2/1/1997
14.
Hit the Road, Jack
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As Dan packs his bags to leave, Roseanne drowns her sorrows in fast food while driving aimlessly around Lanford, and D.J. finds a soul mate to share his troubles.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Roseanne
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Guest starring:
Heather Matarazzo
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
2/3/1997
15.
The War Room
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When a heartbroken Roseanne locks herself in her room and won't come out, her family and friends all try in their own unique way to help her get out of her funk. Friends and family try an intervention after they're unable to rouse a listless Roseanne out of bed, where she's been for four days amid piles of junk food, depressed over Dan's affair.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Bob Nickman
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Guest starring:
Heather Matarazzo
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
2/11/1997
16.
Lanford's Elite (1)
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At a party at the swank Lanford Country Club, Roseanne forges a surprising bond with Edgar Wellman, Jr., the son of her hated former boss. When he reveals some shocking news about the future of Lanford, Roseanne realizes she may be the only one who can save her hometown.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
/ Allan Stephan
Writer:
Richard Whitley
/ Bob Rubin
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Guest starring:
James Brolin, Richard Derby Atwell
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
2/11/1997
17.
Some Enchanted Merger (2)
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After they wrap up the Wellman Plastics buyout, Roseanne doesn't know what to do when she finds herself deeply attracted to Edgar Wellman, Jr., and realizes that he is equally bewitched by her.
Director:
Gary Halvorson
Writer:
April Winchell
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Guest starring:
James Brolin
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
2/18/1997
18.
A Second Chance
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Bothered by rumors about Roseanne and ""that Wellman guy,"" Dan sweeps by to take Roseanne out for a ride. Roseanne and Dan begin to take the first tentative steps toward putting their marriage back together. But their reconciliation is disrupted when a frantic call comes in from Jackie: Darlene has been suddenly rushed to the hospital.
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
2/25/1997
19.
The Miracle
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When Darlene gives birth to a very premature baby, the doctors offer very little hope for the child's survival. But Roseanne sets out to prove that love, affection and human contact are better than any medicine.
Director:
Gary Halvorson
/ Roseanne
Writer:
Drew Ogier
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Guest starring:
Dann Florek, Michael Des Barres
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
3/4/1997
20.
Roseanne-Feld
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Jackie and Mark take in a female wrestling match; D.J. is not prepared when he realizes he may be about to have his first sexual experience when a night of watching videos with Heather turns into a night of passion; and Bev introduces Leon and Scott to her new ""friend,"" a boozy lounge singer named Joyce.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Richard Whitley
/ April Winchell
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Guest starring:
Ruta Lee, Heather Matarazzo, Dot Jones, Kit Pongetti, Faith Minton, Spice Williams
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
3/18/1997
21.
The Truth be Told
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Roseanne learns some truths about the price of fame when two high-powered television programmers bombard her with all sorts of bizarre ideas about how network and cable TV would tell her life story. Roseanne is appalled to learn that one wants to sanitize her life and the other wants to spice it up. At the same time, Bev is happily telling stories about Roseanne to a friendly florist, unaware that he is actually a tabloid reporter.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Lawrence Broch
/ April Winchell
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Guest starring:
Bob Einstein, Johnny Dark, Ruta Lee, Michael Lee Gogin, Patty Ross, Reed Diamond
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
5/13/1997
22.
Arsenic and Old Mom
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Dan's eccentric mom heads straight for Lanford after she's released from hospital, claiming to be cured. Problem is, Dan thinks she's trying to kill him.
Director:
Mark K. Samuels
Writer:
Carrie Fisher
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Guest starring:
Lawrence Broch, Heather Matarazzo, Debbie Reynolds
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
5/20/1997
23.
Into That Good Night (1)
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Darlene and David bring home their new baby. Roseanne's sage advice for her daughter? ""The best part is when you can mold their tender little egos to fit your every whim,"" she says. But the baby's not the only news. When friends and family gather to celebrate the birth, Becky and Mark have a surprising secret -- and Leon and Scott make an announcement.
Writer:
Jessica Pentland
/ Jennifer Pentland
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Seen it: Yes
30 mins
5/1/1997
24.
Into That Good Night (2)
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Roseanne fans find out much more than they thought they would in the second half of the season finale
Writer:
Allan Stephan
/ Roseanne
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